(ii) Cold Coffee (K)night

“San nga ulet tayo magkikita?” I texted Andy for the third time to confirm the place where we will meet after 5 years of not seeing each other. To rekindle our burned out flame… I don’t know…

“Mnik, See you at Mcdonalds, Quezon City, 8pm.”

The fact that he was a runner up in a university pageant when we were in college and a student leader back then, I cant seem to perceive the stupidity of this text message. To top it all, he doesn’t know the correct spelling of my name.. “Pusang gala naman, oo. There are so many Mcdonalds food chain in Quezon City, how would I know which one is the correct place.” I told myself as the train started its ascend to the north stations. Oblivious of the message I looked at my side to see that eventhough the train was crowded to the extent that people were face to face with each other, I cant help but think how alone I was.

Then out of nothing, I felt that there was something missing. I checked my back pocket – my wallet was there, the two front pockets-keys ok, some candies on the left. I checked my backpack – celphone-ok, Camera-ok, spare clothes – including the Giordano shirt from Dante, some receipts, passport-ok…. “Everything’s intact, but why do I feel this way, why do I feel that something is amiss? its odd...” I asked myself as I slowly touched my pursed lips with my right hand, going down to my neck and to my chest. Then I knew from there why I was bothered. “Oh my, this aint my heart anymore…” I whispered softly while I touched my beating heart that seems to be a stranger inside of me. “Of all people why did you chose him…?”

The conversation with my heart was interrupted by my vibrating celphone. It was Andy’s seemingly correct reply with my previous question. I think he came to his senses already and knew that there was something lacking in his previous message.

“Mnik, Mcdo, Quezon City, near MRT. See you there.”

Two things: still not quite clear and my name was misspelled again. Because my heart was mellow because of the previous calming presence of Benedict, I felt heavenly- I don’t wanna end the day in a bad way, so I don’t wanna end up arguing with somebody. Nobody will ruin this day.

Somehow I can read between Andy’s lines now, there was one Mcdonalds in Quezon Avenue, near ABS-CBN where he was currently working.

---

“Quezon Avenue station…” The baritone voice announced the arrival of the train on my station. I prepared myself on the onslaught of anger and false accusations from Andy.

As I trail down my way to the fast food chain to meet Andy, I recalled our last conversation on the net which ended in an unpleasant manner- him being angry with me and accused me of things I never imagined doing to a friend. He was angry at me because I failed to meet him during my last vacation in Manila. He almost always bragged about my “so called” promises of giving him a brand new celphone, shoes and some other things that he needed during those trying times, my broken promises, that’s his weapon against me. He even told me that ive let him down so many times and he just cant accept the fact that that’s the way I repaid him, the one and only person who accepted me with all of his heart.

I sent him a message telling that I am already here and waiting. He replied that he will arrive in just a few minutes from his apartment. I entered the fast food chain; I conveniently sat on an empty table near the door, eagerly waiting for him, looking beyond the darkness of the moonless night. From this point forward, my life was a well mix up of muddy hue of my past and the blurred images of the future, how can my present survive this onslaught.

Then out of the darkness of the night, I saw him march his way to me. He came without any trace of angst or any anger in his face. Kingly as a lion in the desert, his decent can be characterized by a knight in a cold December evening, his horse, galloping his way towards the person he was about to save from the impending pandemonium. I pretended I did not see him, to pretend that I am surprised and thrilled to see him again after 5 long years, and indeed I was. When he tapped my back, strong enough to make me wince in pain, I saw him smile a caring and tender smile. He seems different; the demon that I was expecting to combat was not him, instead a kind angelic figure was in front of me. He looked younger than the last time I saw him, hes buffer now and all the excess fats were gone, he’s taller than me, and damn he looks sexy. AS I see him, his qualities were the qualities that Benedict’s lookin for a mate. “Maybe he knows where I can find letting go and moving on…” I told myself.

“Ano kamusta ka na, long time no see, kala ko nakalimutan mo na ko.” AS he told me while his left arm arched its way to my right shoulders, a gesture that Benedict will never do.

Relieved as I am, he’s not Andy that ive known in the past. The materialistic and egotistic person was all but gone. “Ok lang ako, its nice to see you again. Kumain ka naba, wag ka mag alala ako tayo ngayon.” I replied with the sweetest smile my face could ever give.

“Gwapo at macho mo na ngayon ah, crush na kita!” I exclaimed to him and I cant help but grin when I saw him smile back.

“Ikaw lang eh, iniwan mo ako. 5 years yun ah.”

It wasn’t love at second sight, but I was extremely happy that I have a friend back in my life. This was the start of the longest and most unforgettable night of my life.


To be Continued…

(i) Sweet Nothin', Really or Maybe

I felt oddly chirpy as I was trailing down the MRT station going to Trinoma, I cant help but realize how wonderful the day was, setting aside the polluted air that I breath, the carbon infested stairs im trudging and somehow the unpretty face of the traffic below. Maybe it was because my fare from the not so far south to Manila was free or maybe it was the wonderful time ive spent with great friends previously or the thought that im gonna meet someone special, made the bells ring.

I was running late on our meet up for the first time ever. I always make it a point to arrive at least 30 minutes early, and today it was all but trashed. Maybe it was a sign that not all heroes can do all things at once, hence being his self proclaimed Hero, I confess that Im still human and have flaws. I’m quite sure hes very hungry, I promised him that ill treat him for lunch today. Unfortunately, before our meet up was finalized, I was previously invited by a sweet couple, both good friends of mine, to have an early lunch at Max’s Tagaytay, I cant help but accept the invitation, the thing was both lunch dates were scheduled at the same day. With my heart full of stories that me, Brix and Brian shared over the festive meal, I immediately pranced my way towards the nearest Starbucks, our regular meet up place, for me to meet the lunch deprived Benedict. He knew very well that I would be late, but I still feel guilty that I had that very fulfilling lunch with friends while he waited for me with an empty stomach. I do hope he did not feel that he was least of my priorities.

“I’m here already, where are you?” were the words that I instantly typed on my mobile phone as I sped my way to the meeting place. The mall was quite busy today, being weekends. Within a minute or two my phone vibrated and it was Benedict’s message “Dito lang ako sa Data Blitz, may tinitingnan lang. Wait for me there, im on my way.”

I eagerly waited for him, I dare not follow him to Data Blitz coz I don’t know where exactly was that shop. After a few minutes have passed, there he was, carried by the escalator towards me. He looks a little frail and delicate, still the inexplicable aura that he possess lingers on his physique as he trail down like a model in a catwalk. Benedict’s simple get up of plain t-shirt and worn out jeans cannot hide his good looks and endearing personality.

When he was just meters away from me, my heart was telling me to hug him tightly for me to show how much I missed him, the fact that it was only a few days ago that we last met each other. “Do I look good enough for him?” I asked myself as I saw him checking me out, “probably my fashion wasn’t that good at all". Inches away from him, I managed to just tap his shoulder two times, like what I always do to friends. “Im Sorry, im so late… im sure your hungry, lets go grab some plate..?” I said excitedly as ever. “San mo gusto?”

I can decide for myself, that’s true, but if im with someone else, I tend to favor the things that certain someone likes, and definitely ill love it too… That’s why im no good in choosing a place to eat, moreover what to eat, when situations like this occur…

He was also clueless to where we will eat, we surveyed the crowded mall and to no avail all fastfood chains were occupied, I planned to take him to fine dining resto, but my budget doesnt allowed me, so after sometime, Benedict decided to eat on Tokyo Tokyo. It was my first time in Tokyo Tokyo, so I wasn’t familiar with anything that they were offering. AS per Benedict’s knowledge, their Tonkatsu was the best so we settled for Two set of Pork Tonkatsu’s with rice and Chocolate Mousse for desert.

And there we were, me facing him, him eating my heart out. Sometimes I ask myself why someone falls for another if they are not really meant for each other…? It just don’t make any sense at all. You find a treasure, in front of you, you wanted to keep it, but it wasn’t meant for you but for another person... How can someone who just happened to give you an extra smile, a tighter hug, a firmer handshake and a bonus closeness own your stupid heart as faster than the service of Tokyo Tokyo. The Pork Tonkatsu was good and the Mousse was sweet, really. But was there any chance that me and him be sweeter than this mousse..? maybe

“Why arent you eating?” He asked me as he lifted his face up to face mine as I slowly memorize the contours of his face.

“Actually I finished my lunch already with Brix and Brian. Remember them?” I bit my lips hoping that he wont be jealous that I prioritized them instead of him, my best friend.

“Ahh, yeah right, i do hope they’re fine.” He smiled at me as he was enjoying his lunch, me enjoying the time im spending with him. It seems that all problems that I have, vanishes when im with him, no worries on life existed when im with him, no crisis was permanent when I think of his smiles, his taps on my shoulder. I just wish I can steal more time from him for me, to satiate my hunger for love, peace and tranquility.

But our time was limited. We live in a world separated by distance & time. He has his own problems to deal with and I have my own world to survive in. How was I foolish enough to think that there was a possibility that here in the fast food chain that we were currently face to face, he would tell me how much important my presence means to him, how much he craved to hold me in his arms and whisper the things I always wanted to hear from him. But I knew all along, right from the first time I saw the shadow of his eyes, that he loved someone else, his precious one, the treasure of his life, and I will just be an ordinary pearl in the sea of oysters… But eventhough I knew that this feelings will open up my heart to enormous pain, that same love also heals me from it. How ironic that would be, and when will I wake up from this dream which will never come true… ?

After ordering two more extra rice, ive shared mine to him, I laughed so loud, the moment he finished all four cups. Two things, Benedict was starving or that’s the correct amount food intake his stomach can digest. I didn’t ate as much as him, but im very sure im much fuller than him, the heart that is.

I had another meet up that night, I have told him time and again about the person whom im gonna meet, Andy. I was just hoping that he would say "no" to this next meet up. But he insisted that I should go. Maybe he was hoping that the next counter would be the one who will accept me and my excess baggages, or maybe he cares enough for me and lets me wander around and not be confined with his presence or maybe he wants me to enjoy the life that I have for now or maybe he wants to push me away so that he can also be free from me.

I was overanalyzing the situation again.

I know our time was short so I have taken the priveledge to ride the MRT with Benedict on his way home, from north to south, eventhough Andy was waiting for me on the MRT one station up north. Riding with him, my right shoulder touching his left shoulder meant a lot to me. It was those intimate moment that I never dreamed would come true… We talked a lot, laughed a lot, giggled a lot, like what true friends do...

The train stopped, and its parting time again, we tapped each others shoulder, bid our pleasant goodbyes,

"If something turn out wrong tonight between you and Andy, just give me a call, and ill be there, ok?" He told me as he sealed the question with a smile.

"Ok, take care of yourself..."

He turned his back away from me… I do hope the next food chain of the night would erase the pain that was now overwhelming me. Maybe Andy knows the fast food chain where I can find moving on and letting go for free.

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i think that the only reason people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change, when everybody else does....- Anon"