(i) Sweet Nothin', Really or Maybe

I felt oddly chirpy as I was trailing down the MRT station going to Trinoma, I cant help but realize how wonderful the day was, setting aside the polluted air that I breath, the carbon infested stairs im trudging and somehow the unpretty face of the traffic below. Maybe it was because my fare from the not so far south to Manila was free or maybe it was the wonderful time ive spent with great friends previously or the thought that im gonna meet someone special, made the bells ring.

I was running late on our meet up for the first time ever. I always make it a point to arrive at least 30 minutes early, and today it was all but trashed. Maybe it was a sign that not all heroes can do all things at once, hence being his self proclaimed Hero, I confess that Im still human and have flaws. I’m quite sure hes very hungry, I promised him that ill treat him for lunch today. Unfortunately, before our meet up was finalized, I was previously invited by a sweet couple, both good friends of mine, to have an early lunch at Max’s Tagaytay, I cant help but accept the invitation, the thing was both lunch dates were scheduled at the same day. With my heart full of stories that me, Brix and Brian shared over the festive meal, I immediately pranced my way towards the nearest Starbucks, our regular meet up place, for me to meet the lunch deprived Benedict. He knew very well that I would be late, but I still feel guilty that I had that very fulfilling lunch with friends while he waited for me with an empty stomach. I do hope he did not feel that he was least of my priorities.

“I’m here already, where are you?” were the words that I instantly typed on my mobile phone as I sped my way to the meeting place. The mall was quite busy today, being weekends. Within a minute or two my phone vibrated and it was Benedict’s message “Dito lang ako sa Data Blitz, may tinitingnan lang. Wait for me there, im on my way.”

I eagerly waited for him, I dare not follow him to Data Blitz coz I don’t know where exactly was that shop. After a few minutes have passed, there he was, carried by the escalator towards me. He looks a little frail and delicate, still the inexplicable aura that he possess lingers on his physique as he trail down like a model in a catwalk. Benedict’s simple get up of plain t-shirt and worn out jeans cannot hide his good looks and endearing personality.

When he was just meters away from me, my heart was telling me to hug him tightly for me to show how much I missed him, the fact that it was only a few days ago that we last met each other. “Do I look good enough for him?” I asked myself as I saw him checking me out, “probably my fashion wasn’t that good at all". Inches away from him, I managed to just tap his shoulder two times, like what I always do to friends. “Im Sorry, im so late… im sure your hungry, lets go grab some plate..?” I said excitedly as ever. “San mo gusto?”

I can decide for myself, that’s true, but if im with someone else, I tend to favor the things that certain someone likes, and definitely ill love it too… That’s why im no good in choosing a place to eat, moreover what to eat, when situations like this occur…

He was also clueless to where we will eat, we surveyed the crowded mall and to no avail all fastfood chains were occupied, I planned to take him to fine dining resto, but my budget doesnt allowed me, so after sometime, Benedict decided to eat on Tokyo Tokyo. It was my first time in Tokyo Tokyo, so I wasn’t familiar with anything that they were offering. AS per Benedict’s knowledge, their Tonkatsu was the best so we settled for Two set of Pork Tonkatsu’s with rice and Chocolate Mousse for desert.

And there we were, me facing him, him eating my heart out. Sometimes I ask myself why someone falls for another if they are not really meant for each other…? It just don’t make any sense at all. You find a treasure, in front of you, you wanted to keep it, but it wasn’t meant for you but for another person... How can someone who just happened to give you an extra smile, a tighter hug, a firmer handshake and a bonus closeness own your stupid heart as faster than the service of Tokyo Tokyo. The Pork Tonkatsu was good and the Mousse was sweet, really. But was there any chance that me and him be sweeter than this mousse..? maybe

“Why arent you eating?” He asked me as he lifted his face up to face mine as I slowly memorize the contours of his face.

“Actually I finished my lunch already with Brix and Brian. Remember them?” I bit my lips hoping that he wont be jealous that I prioritized them instead of him, my best friend.

“Ahh, yeah right, i do hope they’re fine.” He smiled at me as he was enjoying his lunch, me enjoying the time im spending with him. It seems that all problems that I have, vanishes when im with him, no worries on life existed when im with him, no crisis was permanent when I think of his smiles, his taps on my shoulder. I just wish I can steal more time from him for me, to satiate my hunger for love, peace and tranquility.

But our time was limited. We live in a world separated by distance & time. He has his own problems to deal with and I have my own world to survive in. How was I foolish enough to think that there was a possibility that here in the fast food chain that we were currently face to face, he would tell me how much important my presence means to him, how much he craved to hold me in his arms and whisper the things I always wanted to hear from him. But I knew all along, right from the first time I saw the shadow of his eyes, that he loved someone else, his precious one, the treasure of his life, and I will just be an ordinary pearl in the sea of oysters… But eventhough I knew that this feelings will open up my heart to enormous pain, that same love also heals me from it. How ironic that would be, and when will I wake up from this dream which will never come true… ?

After ordering two more extra rice, ive shared mine to him, I laughed so loud, the moment he finished all four cups. Two things, Benedict was starving or that’s the correct amount food intake his stomach can digest. I didn’t ate as much as him, but im very sure im much fuller than him, the heart that is.

I had another meet up that night, I have told him time and again about the person whom im gonna meet, Andy. I was just hoping that he would say "no" to this next meet up. But he insisted that I should go. Maybe he was hoping that the next counter would be the one who will accept me and my excess baggages, or maybe he cares enough for me and lets me wander around and not be confined with his presence or maybe he wants me to enjoy the life that I have for now or maybe he wants to push me away so that he can also be free from me.

I was overanalyzing the situation again.

I know our time was short so I have taken the priveledge to ride the MRT with Benedict on his way home, from north to south, eventhough Andy was waiting for me on the MRT one station up north. Riding with him, my right shoulder touching his left shoulder meant a lot to me. It was those intimate moment that I never dreamed would come true… We talked a lot, laughed a lot, giggled a lot, like what true friends do...

The train stopped, and its parting time again, we tapped each others shoulder, bid our pleasant goodbyes,

"If something turn out wrong tonight between you and Andy, just give me a call, and ill be there, ok?" He told me as he sealed the question with a smile.

"Ok, take care of yourself..."

He turned his back away from me… I do hope the next food chain of the night would erase the pain that was now overwhelming me. Maybe Andy knows the fast food chain where I can find moving on and letting go for free.

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i think that the only reason people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change, when everybody else does....- Anon"