Showing posts with label Buhay-buhay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buhay-buhay. Show all posts

(iii)Cold Coffee Knight Part 2

I decided to give it a go. Disaster was my first thought when I have made up my mind to meet Andy. I had been cynical all this time when it comes to people like him, and I was proven wrong. It feels good when people prove you wrong.

The night was young and we still have tomorrow to celebrate life. We walked gleefully from EDSA to the not so far apartment where he currently lives. While walking we just kept on glancing at each other trying to figure things out, taking our time to wait for the heavy atmosphere of our reunion to subside. We were waiting for the correct time to deliver the punch lines, the exact time to smile and laugh and maybe the serendipitous moment to love. I let him decide what we ought to do on a night like this. We reached his apartment in no time, damn; he was a neighbor to ABS-CBN compound, where he was currently working as one of the people behind famous teleseryes of the station. It was indeed a great honor to be with the person who conceptualized the backbone story of my favorite show on TV.

He let me wait outside the apartment to avoid suspicions from his land lady, whom, according to him, by reputation was a certified chismosa. I stare at the moonlight above, how perfect this day could be, had breakfast with the couple Brix and Brian at Tagaytay, the whole stretch of the afternoon with Benedict at Trinoma and a night with my friend Andy. We had no plans yet, maybe im in to some surprise tonight.

“Tara, lets go, so where to spend the night, ikaw ang taya ha. Hehe, antagal mo na kaya ako tiniis ano.” Exclaimed Andy as he slinged his back pack on his left shoulder, smiling at me like a little boy wanting some candy.

“Sure ba, ako taya. Basta ba wag mo na ako kakagatin ulet. Hehe.” I teased. And that started it.

Since he was tonights Boss, I let him decide on the itinerary of the night. As I glanced on the big sign of the station in front of me, he has already hailed a cab that will take us to Trinoma.

The ride was quite short, in no time we were walking towards a fine dining restaurant. We sat comfortably on a table opposite two goodlooking men, that we both concluded as partners. The waiters took our order and while waiting for the food, just like a showbiz oriented talk show, we started the segment “True Confessions”.

He had loads of stories to tell, about his experiences as a writer. Being an extra for a teleserye he is currently working on also as a scriptwriter. He also showed pictures and trailers of the upcoming show he was involved. And of course the interview would not be complete if the topic about sex wasn’t involved.

“So kamusta naman ang sexlife at lovelife mo?” I discreetly asked him.

He smiled at the mention of the subject. Somehow.

“Ayos naman, pero lovelife wala, hehehe, kilala mo ba si Arthur yung taga university natin dati?” Andy asked me back.

How can I forget Kuya Art? he was a friend, a brother and im definitely a certified fan. He was the most gorgeous and one of the most loved person in the university. Like Andy, Arthur was a runner up on a university Beauty pageant, which incidentally was organized by our organization. He was not just a pretty faced gentleman, he was also very kind and husband material to girls and gays alike. Unfortunately he died young at 28. What a loss, I didn’t even had the chance to… May he rest In peace.

“Oo naman, malilimutan ko ba naman si Kuya Art, eh Crush ko yun, saying nga lang at maaga syang namatay, hindi ko man lang sya… Teka wag mong sabihin na natikman mo syang loko ka…?” I rasied my voice on the last words.

He just smiled an evil smile.

“I though he was straight? He even had a girlfriend that time, and boy, Ate Karla was so beautiful…?” I exclaimed and surprised on his revelation.

And it all comes back to me now, he has a prowess in hooking up with known figures in school, specifically with VP’s of the student council. I was a vice president once, Kuya Liam was a vice president before me and Kuya Art also. Somehow he was like a serial killer with specific targets.

“I was there during the times he needed a friend, he even invited me to come over his house a lot of times, just a pity he died young. The hospital had a malpractice that caused his early demise…” He explained with a sad tone to me, though I cant feel if he cared for him or loved him, or just maybe he had moved on, Kuya Art was 4 years resting already.

I shared little information about me and my life when we parted ways years ago, limited only to my life abroad, how hard it was to be an OFW and some tiny bit stories about Boo. He knows I have no lovelife, and i think it doesn’t matter anyway, or so I thought. I didn’t mention Benedict to him.

The dinner was served hot. We shared food like old friends that met on a lonely road. We laughed out loud when we watched a comedy film afterwards. We left the mall with a happy and thumping heart. Though the night was getting late, we weren’t finished on bonding. He invited me to have a drink at a coffee shop still in QC. Though he had previously planned to take me in a comedy bar, he wasn’t able to because there was a meeting with his co-writers late night. Thus a plan was formed. I will have to wait for him for about two hours in this coffee shop.

First Hour.

I agreed for old time’s sake. He left me with nothing to do but to scan the broadsheet in front of me. I scanned stories about politics, fashion, showbiz and more showbiz as I remember correctly. Patience was my best virture, just think of it, i had waited all my life for the person meant for me, and maybe he was the one, so two gruesome hours would be tiny compared to the years ive waited. extreme as i maybe, i will wait.

First and a half Hour.

But i hate it when people leave me behind, with no guarantee that they will come back for me or no assurance that somebody would be nice enough to find me lost in the haystack. I was a stranger in the city, i dont know what terrors were looming in the streets of Manila. But i was also an optimist that counters this grim trait.
Luckily I have Dante, on the other end of Manila, who accompanied me while waiting for Andy. We had a little chitchat over txt messaging on the goings on of the PLU world that we live in and he was very kind enough to answer questions. He was also postive enough and brushed my ego. Maybe Andy was the one for me after all the bad things that happened in the past. Maybe this was the beginning again of something new for me. Maybe in about an ahour or so, he would come back like a knight in shinig armor to pick you up where you had fallen. Maybe he has the answers to all your questions...

Maybe.

Two Hours

Two hours had past and no Andy came back. My coffee was cold and the knight was nowhere to be found. The coffee aint good anymore, the knight was never meant to have a shining armor.
To be continued...
---

(i) Sweet Nothin', Really or Maybe

I felt oddly chirpy as I was trailing down the MRT station going to Trinoma, I cant help but realize how wonderful the day was, setting aside the polluted air that I breath, the carbon infested stairs im trudging and somehow the unpretty face of the traffic below. Maybe it was because my fare from the not so far south to Manila was free or maybe it was the wonderful time ive spent with great friends previously or the thought that im gonna meet someone special, made the bells ring.

I was running late on our meet up for the first time ever. I always make it a point to arrive at least 30 minutes early, and today it was all but trashed. Maybe it was a sign that not all heroes can do all things at once, hence being his self proclaimed Hero, I confess that Im still human and have flaws. I’m quite sure hes very hungry, I promised him that ill treat him for lunch today. Unfortunately, before our meet up was finalized, I was previously invited by a sweet couple, both good friends of mine, to have an early lunch at Max’s Tagaytay, I cant help but accept the invitation, the thing was both lunch dates were scheduled at the same day. With my heart full of stories that me, Brix and Brian shared over the festive meal, I immediately pranced my way towards the nearest Starbucks, our regular meet up place, for me to meet the lunch deprived Benedict. He knew very well that I would be late, but I still feel guilty that I had that very fulfilling lunch with friends while he waited for me with an empty stomach. I do hope he did not feel that he was least of my priorities.

“I’m here already, where are you?” were the words that I instantly typed on my mobile phone as I sped my way to the meeting place. The mall was quite busy today, being weekends. Within a minute or two my phone vibrated and it was Benedict’s message “Dito lang ako sa Data Blitz, may tinitingnan lang. Wait for me there, im on my way.”

I eagerly waited for him, I dare not follow him to Data Blitz coz I don’t know where exactly was that shop. After a few minutes have passed, there he was, carried by the escalator towards me. He looks a little frail and delicate, still the inexplicable aura that he possess lingers on his physique as he trail down like a model in a catwalk. Benedict’s simple get up of plain t-shirt and worn out jeans cannot hide his good looks and endearing personality.

When he was just meters away from me, my heart was telling me to hug him tightly for me to show how much I missed him, the fact that it was only a few days ago that we last met each other. “Do I look good enough for him?” I asked myself as I saw him checking me out, “probably my fashion wasn’t that good at all". Inches away from him, I managed to just tap his shoulder two times, like what I always do to friends. “Im Sorry, im so late… im sure your hungry, lets go grab some plate..?” I said excitedly as ever. “San mo gusto?”

I can decide for myself, that’s true, but if im with someone else, I tend to favor the things that certain someone likes, and definitely ill love it too… That’s why im no good in choosing a place to eat, moreover what to eat, when situations like this occur…

He was also clueless to where we will eat, we surveyed the crowded mall and to no avail all fastfood chains were occupied, I planned to take him to fine dining resto, but my budget doesnt allowed me, so after sometime, Benedict decided to eat on Tokyo Tokyo. It was my first time in Tokyo Tokyo, so I wasn’t familiar with anything that they were offering. AS per Benedict’s knowledge, their Tonkatsu was the best so we settled for Two set of Pork Tonkatsu’s with rice and Chocolate Mousse for desert.

And there we were, me facing him, him eating my heart out. Sometimes I ask myself why someone falls for another if they are not really meant for each other…? It just don’t make any sense at all. You find a treasure, in front of you, you wanted to keep it, but it wasn’t meant for you but for another person... How can someone who just happened to give you an extra smile, a tighter hug, a firmer handshake and a bonus closeness own your stupid heart as faster than the service of Tokyo Tokyo. The Pork Tonkatsu was good and the Mousse was sweet, really. But was there any chance that me and him be sweeter than this mousse..? maybe

“Why arent you eating?” He asked me as he lifted his face up to face mine as I slowly memorize the contours of his face.

“Actually I finished my lunch already with Brix and Brian. Remember them?” I bit my lips hoping that he wont be jealous that I prioritized them instead of him, my best friend.

“Ahh, yeah right, i do hope they’re fine.” He smiled at me as he was enjoying his lunch, me enjoying the time im spending with him. It seems that all problems that I have, vanishes when im with him, no worries on life existed when im with him, no crisis was permanent when I think of his smiles, his taps on my shoulder. I just wish I can steal more time from him for me, to satiate my hunger for love, peace and tranquility.

But our time was limited. We live in a world separated by distance & time. He has his own problems to deal with and I have my own world to survive in. How was I foolish enough to think that there was a possibility that here in the fast food chain that we were currently face to face, he would tell me how much important my presence means to him, how much he craved to hold me in his arms and whisper the things I always wanted to hear from him. But I knew all along, right from the first time I saw the shadow of his eyes, that he loved someone else, his precious one, the treasure of his life, and I will just be an ordinary pearl in the sea of oysters… But eventhough I knew that this feelings will open up my heart to enormous pain, that same love also heals me from it. How ironic that would be, and when will I wake up from this dream which will never come true… ?

After ordering two more extra rice, ive shared mine to him, I laughed so loud, the moment he finished all four cups. Two things, Benedict was starving or that’s the correct amount food intake his stomach can digest. I didn’t ate as much as him, but im very sure im much fuller than him, the heart that is.

I had another meet up that night, I have told him time and again about the person whom im gonna meet, Andy. I was just hoping that he would say "no" to this next meet up. But he insisted that I should go. Maybe he was hoping that the next counter would be the one who will accept me and my excess baggages, or maybe he cares enough for me and lets me wander around and not be confined with his presence or maybe he wants me to enjoy the life that I have for now or maybe he wants to push me away so that he can also be free from me.

I was overanalyzing the situation again.

I know our time was short so I have taken the priveledge to ride the MRT with Benedict on his way home, from north to south, eventhough Andy was waiting for me on the MRT one station up north. Riding with him, my right shoulder touching his left shoulder meant a lot to me. It was those intimate moment that I never dreamed would come true… We talked a lot, laughed a lot, giggled a lot, like what true friends do...
The train stopped, and its parting time again, we tapped each others shoulder, bid our pleasant goodbyes,
"If something turn out wrong tonight between you and Andy, just give me a call, and ill be there, ok?" He told me as he sealed the question with a smile.
"Ok, take care of yourself..."
He turned his back away from me… I do hope the next food chain of the night would erase the pain that was now overwhelming me. Maybe Andy knows the fast food chain where I can find moving on and letting go for free.
---
i think that the only reason people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change, when everybody else does....- Anon"

FAST FOOD CHAIN: Prologue

He has already requested me what he wanted and it was my job to give our orders to the attendant in the counter. When it comes to choosing which is best for both of us, I always takes his advice, the thing that he craves the most, and automatically that would also be my most favorite in the world. Those which makes the people I love happy, makes me happier.

There were three counters, all occupied simultaneously by three different individuals. In three different choices, ill only be second in line, never the priority. I guess it’s the unending rule of life: First Come, First Served.

But does that rule apply also for love? Is the lover before you more precious?

Is choosing the person we will love truly as easy as choosing food from the enumerated and sometimes pictured delicacies printed on the illuminated signages in the counter of a fast food chain?

Can love be developed, prepared and served as quickly as the food prepared and served in a fast food chain?

Can we find true love in the person in front of us, the one who is happily eating your heart out, the unique individual that life destined you to be sharing this very special moment?

And after what has been said and done…

Can we buy “letting go” and “moving on” in the same fast food chain where we have experienced love- which was free…?


----
Next:
(i) Tokyo Tokyo

(ii) Starbucks

(iii) Yellow Cab

(iv) McDonalds

(v) Jollibee

The Start of An Arabian End

Ever since I came back three months ago from vacation, I was considering on quitting my job here abroad and try my luck back home. Basically, it would be a courageous move for me, since I do not have a single peso on any bank anywhere in the world and of course my wallet is just as shy as the one holding him. But in life, courage is one thing, uncertainty is another. So I would try my luck based on pure instincts, and all the while Mr. Instinct is telling me just to wait a few more moments before considering any plans, since, the future is fluid and anything can change.

I received a sign already that my stint here in the middle east is coming to an end. I clearly recall the reason why I ended up here as an OFW. It was purely chance, and of course a tremendous choice. I was happy in my previous work, if not for the generous amount of money waiting for me in the scorching desert I wouldn’t wanna be separated from my work there. I wonder what could have happened if I did not left the Philippines:

1. Instead of Lora, my classmate that I have previously recommended in the company, I would have been the supervisor of the company’s laboratory now, salary amounting a generous 20 thousand pesos with just minimal work responsibilities. (well true enough, but as I look at myself now, I gained a star in my resume, proved to myself and to my terror Boss that I am a company asset and more money to help loved ones, and when I mean help, it means HELP! So its not really bad, I ended up here)

2. My officemate, and I would have been celebrating our 3rd year together. WE had our share of intimate moments. Yeah right, because I chose to be away, we never had the chance to cross the bridge together. (I can never call him an ex for there was never “US”, but in case I stayed, for sure we’d end up together, and the rejections that I have gone through would’ve have scarred me… still the important thing here is I learned more than I deserved, I knew how much I can give, not wanting anything in return, and im so thankful for that… in time, ill heal. Joms is right, someone out there is ready to share his umbrella for me)

3. I could have enjoyed every summer in Bora, or every Christmas with loved ones or the Gimiks at bars and disco’s and reunions at Puerto Galera, Cebu and Bagiou. (me as a person would have enjoyed, while my family, still waiting to be happy… im glad their living a good life now, because of me and my brothers, their children. Sacrifice was indeed worth it.)

4. I could have spared my early twenties, surfing the net. Have EB’s all day long or just roam and invade bath houses in the metro. (luckily my innocence was preserved, I still long for that love at first sight or the ever famous “spark”)

5. And I could have enjoyed my life to its fullest and not be here, contemplating the what ifs of the previous years. (nah, but I think its time to find myself)

After all that happened and could have happened, I never regretted anything at all. I do think, instead of cruising a materialistic and selfish road, I chose a humble one. Where I learned that happiness can be obtained only thru giving, and when you are giving your all, you have attained a different level of personality that can never be found in Boracay or in Bars and discos, or in any tagayan sessions, whether it be in Cebu or Bagiou. Though there is one major drawback: I felt incomplete, I lost myself and finding it again is major hard. Dr. Magsasaka was indeed correct when he said “Love yourself before others can love you”

As I look at myself now, im strong, empty-yes, but strong enough to face every waking day. But I will never regret anything that happened to me after I have decided to leave the Philippines. There were some losses, but I gained more.

Let go and be happy. But sad to say, im not ready yet – to let go to something that makes the lives of my loved ones easy, how can I be happy if I see their future uncertain? Nevertheless I have laid the following plans, and maybe the moment the plan was put in motion and the time the visions and missions are already complete, ill say to myself: “Well Done Cowboy!”

Here’s my Conscience’s plan:

1. Since you feel a bit lonely. Just imagine that every night of your life, its only Willie Revillame and his program waiting for you in your room. Ill give you a chance to buy a new laptop since you gladly gave your old one to your brother and your game console to your other brother, your 3G phone to your parents. I do hope a new gadget will make your room a little bit homey.

2. Open a new bank account, I know you have a phobia with regards to Bank, I think its time for you to trust them again 1 more time. Don’t let your inquisitive mind spend all your hard worked money inside the cabinet.

3. Master playing your new baby: your acoustic guitar. I know you love to sing.

4. Pay all your debts, and help your loved one(s) in need.

5. Finish constructing your house, your Inay would love to see the floor and the bathroom “tiled”

6. I know your lazy, but a lil exercise will do, or else, market value will dwindle.

After two years…

7. By the end of November 2011, you already have saved 1 million pesos on your bank account. Then its time to go home you young millionaire. lols

8. After 26 years of having no relationships, 28 is a good year to start a serious long one, unless otherwise someone came along and LDR is a go.

9. I know your planning to buy a car, its not wise, you don’t know how to drive, instead invest your money on business: since lil bro is taking up computer related course, an internet cafĂ© is a good start.

10. Its your dream to work in Makati? Think Again Don’t be fooled by the cute dresses and suits, First and foremost, after your stint in the middle east, try to find a job related to your course, it would be a waste on your track record if you ended up as a call center agent. Try multinational Food or drug companies or government agencies, otherwise, Medical transcriptionist or teaching is a go.

11. While working, take masteral units, preferably in UP, so that fees will not be that big. Ask Dr. Magsasaka for any suggestions

12. While working your ass and grinding your brain again on your daily activities, try to socialize, it wont hurt to have some fun.

---

Sabi kasi ni Mr. Instinct, na kalimitan ay tama, “hintay hintay lang ng kaunti pang panahon para naman maabot mo ang dapat maabot, malayo pa ang lalakbayin, pero kakayanin mo yan for sure.” Sabi ko naman sa kanya, “pagod na ko eh, hanggang saan pa ba dadalhin tayo ng ating mga paa, paano natin malalaman kung narating na natin ang paroroonan? Eh tutal sinabi mo, sige na nga, basta samahan mo ako, wag mo ko iiwan”.

SILUWET

SILUWET
10.03.09

Naging mission ko mula nung nakabalik ako dito sa ibayong dagat na hindi magtira ng kahit isang pirasong kanin sa platong kinakainan ko, bukod sa nagtitipid, simbolo ng sakripisyo at pagmamahal, kaya kalimitan medyo dramatic lagi kapag kumakain ako. Nasabi ko kasi ansarap ng kain ko kaninang tanghali, napadami nga ang kain ko ng kanin, yun bang tipong hanggang sa kahuli hulihang butil ng kanin kinain ko. Tinext ako ng Inay, kung ano daw ulam ko. Text back ako:

“Corned Beef tsaka ketsup ulam ko, sarap!. Hehe”

Muwal na muwal akong kumakain nang tumawag ang inay ko. Aba aba, maraming load. Naisip ko kagad ang iniisip ng inay, gusto nya akong I cheer up, kasi naaawa yun sa akin pag yun lang kinakain ko, Ang inay talaga, hindi na nasanay sa akin, alam naman nyang sanay sa hirap ang anak nya nag aalala pa.

Marami kaming napag-usapan. Bibili daw ng videoke ang tiyuhin kong taga Germany at gagawing paarkila parang negosyo ba. Mahilig kasi talaga sa musika ang pamilya namin. Tapos si Mandy yung pamangkin ko, hmmm ang term ng inay ko, “NAKAKALOKA” na daw, haha. Base sa translation ng brain ko ang ibig sabihin non, gusto na rin nyang magkaapo. Nasabi din nya na mag-aasawa na ang Ate Nene, 28, sa isang 41 years old teacher din. Ang biro ng Inay “wag na nyang palampasin ito at baka hindi na sya makahanap ng iba…”.

Kilala nya si LUCIAN, yung arabong kaibigan ko. Tinanong nya kung bakit hindi ko na palaging kasama… At ang nakakalokang linya nya:

“Bakit break na ba kayo? Nakahanap na ba ng iba?”

Ang sabi ko na lang, “ibrineak ko na”, sabay tawa.

Naalala ko tuloy ang sinabi Bob Ong:

“Huwag kang malulungkot kung ang taong mahal mo ay hindi ka mahal,
Dahil may nagmamahal sa iyo na hindi mo rin mahal, kaya patas lang…”

At yung text na:

“When somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love you with all they have…”

Sa istorya kasi namin ni Lucian, may mga string ako na pinutol between us, masakit for him siguro. Pero I have to do that para hindi umaasa, were still friends na hanggang dun lang talaga…

Kumbaga, ang buhay ko dati… nagtatayo ako ng tulay, isang maigting na tulay para sa taong mahal ko, ang tulay na hindi kailanman matatawid ng taong pinaglaanan ko niyon. Mali siguro ang pagkakaintindi ko ng mga bagay bagay dati. Sa ngayon nawawala ang direksyon ng aking kinabukasan, para akong teleponong na ka hang o kaya isang kotseng tumatakbong walang nagmamaneho. Ganun katindi.

Tatlong teka, as in teka teka teka

Medyo napapalayo ako sa topic, hehe

Mabalik tayo sa araw ko.

Paglabas ko ng kwarto, galing sa aking pagmumuni muni, aba aba aba… Tanghaling tapat, pero ang dilim… Ang naaninag ko lang sa bintana ay ang kulay Yellow orange, ang nasambit ko lang ay “Oh God” kinabahan ako akala ko magugunaw na ang mundo… buti na lang nang makalabas ako sa pinto ay isang napakatuminding sandstorm lang pala. Kinabahan ako sobra...

Habang nagtatatakbo ako pabalik sa building na pinagtatrabahuhan ko, at habang winawasiwas ako ng hanging may dalang napakadaming alikabok, hindi ko masyadong makita ang daan, inuubo ako sa tindi ng hagupit ng alikabok sa mukha ko, napupuwing ako at napapapikit sa hapdi na dulot ng lupang nagkaroon ng pakpak. Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na ganito siguro mailalarawan ang estado ng buhay ko ngayon, walang kasiguraduhan, blurred. Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat, sa dako pa roon may isang pigura ng taong naghihintay sa akin, medyo blurry pa nga lang, silhouette ng taong magbibigay muli ng direksyon sa buhay ko. Malamang kakilala ko na siya o isang estrangherong hindi ko pa nakilala, who knows, baka siya na ang sagot sa aking mga dasal… at malay natin baka sabihin nya pag nagkatagpo na kami:

“you are my answered prayer”

Nakow, destiny. J

---

Sa wakas nakakahinga na ulet ako ng maluwag. After ng pinagdaanan ko ngayong araw, matapos suungin ang napakatuminding sandstorm, isa lang ang masasabi ko:

Masarap mangulangot. Thank God for our Pinkies!

Ang Keso, Kangkong at Kanton

Antagal ko ring nawala. Namimiss ko ring magsulat, kaso, hindi ako makabuo ng kung anumang dapat mabuo kasi, pag nakaka isang talata na ko binubura ko ulet. Kase puro kasinungalingan lang at kabulastugan ang nasusulat. Kaya itigil na lang at wag nang mag atubili pa. pero mukhang ginaganahan ako ngayon.

Napatunayan ko na mahirap magpanggap na masaya ha, nung panahong malungkot, well lungkot lungkutan pa rin naman hanggang ngayon, pero carry na. yung mga tao na palagi daw nakatawa at pangiti ngiti lang, yun yung mga delikadong tao na dapat layuan, tulad ko siguro,. Mga taong andaming angst na tinatago, ah ewan basta ako, tao lang.

Habang pinagpipira-piraso ko kanina ang mga kesong I tetest ko sa laboratory kanina, putsa naiyak ako. Wala namang kemikal ang kesong iyon na tulad ng sa sibuyas, ano nga ba ulet iyon, Isothiocyanate yata, nalimutan ko na. Nakakahiya, syet , nasa likod ko lang yung kasamahan ko sa trabaho. Isa lang ang masasabi ko si Claudine Baretto ang dahilan.

---

Bakit nga ba tayo umiiyak? ang isa sa pinakamagandang kasagutan ay yung isang eksena sa LOBO, hinding hindi ko malilimutan. Eksena yun ni Diether Ocampo at nung batang pag laki ay si Agot Isidro na ina ni Angel Locsin. Anyway eto yung gist ng eksenang yun: Aalis kasi at iiwan na ni Diet ang pamilya nya, kasi nga hinahunting sya, tapos nagpapaalam na siya sa anak nya habang umiiyak ang pobreng si Diet, tanong ng anak: bakit daw umiiyak yung tatay nya. Ang sagot: dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ay hindi na macontain sa katawan kaya lumalabas na lang bilang luha.

yun yun, :(

---

Eto mabalik tayo kay Claudine. Naiinis ako kay Claudine Barretto ha. Bakit? Hindi isa, hindi dalawa, kundi tatlong beses na nya akong pinaiiyak. Una yung pelikulang ANAK nila ni Ate Vi, syempre todo relate tayo dun kasi nga OFW tayo o yung walang kamatayang sinasabi sa TFC na mga bagong bayani kuno, in fairness isa ako dun. Ikalawa yung Ending ng Got To Believe na hindi ko pa ever napapanood ng buo, puro ending lang naabutan ko, syempre todo cry kasi buti pa sila nagkatuluyan. At ito pa ha, nung isang gabi MILAN naman ang palabas. Talagang Climax kung climax ang drama anthology ng buhay ko. Nakakainis kasi, ayaw ko nang umiyak, kasi ubos, empty, hollow, nada - na ako. Wala nang matitira sa akin, kung iiyak pa ako ng balde balde at wala namang nag iigib “MULA SA POSO” eh saan ako pupulutin, sa kangkungan? In fairness namimiss ko na ang gulay na kangkong.

Habang nag da dayalog si Claudine nang “Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako, o kailangan mo ako kaya mahal mo ako…” syempre todo iyak, with matching labas ang sipon ang pobreng binata. Oh e di iyak kaming tatlo nila Piolo, napahagulgol ako lalo nang napalingon ako sa cabinet ng food supply ko, pusang gala talaga, oo, Pancit Canton na naman ang ulam ko, sambit ko sa sarili ko, choice ko naman na magpakamiserable ang buhay, sanay na sanay na ako mula pagkabata, sus, super hagulgol lang ako kasi, ako na lang ba lagi ang nagbibigay, sila na lang ba lagi ang nangangailangan… Buong buhay ko kaya kong ibigay, at naialay ko na yata talaga lahat, ang mga ibedensya: ang mga pancit canton, butas na bulsa, tuyong luha, nagpapakabatong puso, kumakalam na sikmura, at nagpapakadramang buhay OFW, minsan hindi na ako makahinga.... Pero ok lang, walang dapat ipag alala dahil STRONG ang lolo Mink, hindi ever sumusuko. Nakakapagod lang minsan, pagod na pagod na ako sa pagbibigay ng pagmamahal, ganun pa man hindi ako titigil hanggat may napapasaya ako at natutulungan kasi, ani nga ni Claudine: “Dahil anak ako, kapatid ako, kamag anak ako, Kaibigan ako…” Kailan ko kaya maidadagdag ang linyang “KASI BOYFRIEND AKO”?. Charot.

Balik tayo sa threesome namin nila Piolo at Claudine, Eh di hagulgol ang kawawang mga artista… buti mag isa lang ako sa kwarto at naka lock ang pinto, nakakahiya kaya itsura ko, kaya minsan ayaw kong manalamin, ansagwa kasi, tsaka nahihiya ako sa sarili ko, ayaw kong makita ang sarili ko, kasi baka sampalin ko ang sarili ko bigla. Pero pag napapatitig ako sa salamin minsan, humahaba na kasi ang hair natin lately, kaya kelangan manuklay, yung bang choices mo palagi araw araw eh maging mukhang mangkukulam o magmukhang aswang, no choice talaga. Any how pagtingin ko lagi sa salamin… ibang tao ang nakikita ko. Isang taong malakas, nakangiti, gwapo (naman) at mabait. Hindi ikaw ako, sabi ko sa kaharap ko. Mahina ka kasi uto-uto ka, Plastik kang walanghiya ka kasi hindi mo masabi ang tunay mo talagang nararamdaman. Selfish kang loko ka kasi… kasi… kasi… kasi…- sa palagay ko hindi ka selfish, so erase natin yang linyang yan. Eto na lang - ampanget panget mo, kaya hindi ka magustuhan ni JOE JONAS (ng Jonas Brothers) kahit ipagpilitan mo ang sarili mo, sorry na lang wala talaga, youre so busted.. Hmmp, sabay ismid sa salamin. Syempre ayaw natin ng mga away, away, world peace and love everyone kaya ang slogan natin. So tinitigan ko mabuti muli ang tao sa harap ko, sa kabila ng namumugto nyang mata, at habang inaaninag ko ang kanyang kaluluwa, masaya siya, dahil kapalit ng lahat ng sakripisyo, lahat ng luha… kapalit ng mga namatay kong kuko sa paa at ng mga sugat sa puso, may buhay na nadudugtungan, may nabibigyan ng pag-asa, may mga napapasaya… Gagawin ko naman lahat eh, aakuin ko lahat ng sakit at paghihirap, ibibigay ko lahat, pero tao lang ako, may hangganan din.

Dati nag eexpect ako na may magbibigay din sa akin, ng pagmamahal, siguro mayroon, bukod sa pamilya syempre-given na kaya yon, mayroon siguro, hindi ko lang maramdaman, kaya itinigil ko nang mag expect. Mukhang tumatalab naman ang orasyon ko habang hinihilod ko ang mga bakokang at mga freckles ko sa katawan pag naliligo, na maalis ang damdaming nagpapahirap sa akin, mahirap matanggal, pero slowly but surely... siguro dadagdagan ko pa ng scented candles and banyo.

Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng napagdaanan ko dati, sa kabila ng mga sandamakmak na iniluha ko dito sa Ibayong dagat, sa Yellow Cab, Galleria at Mcdonalds, Town Center. Marami akong natutunan, marami rin siguro akong napatunayan, sa aking pamilya, sa mga kaibigan at higit sa lahat sa aking sarili.

Sabi nga ng kanta:

“What matters most is that you love at all…”

---

Lord God,

Salamat po ng bonggang bongga kasi binigyan Nyo po ako ng malakas na katawan, maunawaing pag-iisip at mapagmahal na puso. Napakasobra napo kung hihiling pa ako kasi sobra sobra na ang naibigay Nyong biyaya sa akin at sa aking mga mahal sa buhay, pero sana po Lord bigyan Nyo po ng malalakas na katawan at pag-iisip ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Thank you po sa lahat lahat lahat ng naibigay Niyo po sa akin. Lahat po ng ito ay para sa Inyo Lord.

---